Chapter 09
*
Lin Hao was completely stunned. The pillow he’d been clutching dropped to the floor, just like he himself seemed to melt into a puddle.
“Was it disgusting?” Shen Yu asked as they parted, his voice calm, though his dark lashes trembled almost imperceptibly.
Lin Hao still hadn’t recovered.
Shen Yu stared at him, second after second ticking by, each one feeling as long as the four years they’d spent apart.
Lin Hao’s ears finally turned red as the realization hit him. “What’s so disgusting about it…”
Shen Yu’s heart skipped wildly, his voice hoarse: “Do you hate it?”
Lin Hao’s mind was still on a different track. He blurted, “So does this mean you agree to date me?”
Shen Yu gripped his hand so tightly it was as if he might break those long fingers. “Lin Hao…”
He said his name, but for a moment, he didn’t know what else to say.
Joy and fear crashed over him like waves, making him feel like he was floating somewhere between dream and reality.
Is this really happening?
Could this possibly be real?
In the dead of night, when they should have been fast asleep, something like this was happening—how could he not wonder if it was all a dream?
Lin Hao mumbled, “Honestly, I didn’t really feel anything.”
He was answering about the kiss.
Shen Yu was yanked back to reality, oddly reassured by Lin Hao’s honesty.
“How could you feel anything from such a quick kiss?” Lin Hao looked up, eyes sparkling.
Shen Yu’s mind buzzed. He cupped the back of Lin Hao’s head and kissed him again.
This time, Lin Hao didn’t push him away—instead, he kissed him back.
By the time they caught their breath, they were lying on Shen Yu’s bed.
Lin Hao said, “There’s something I have to tell you.”
Shen Yu’s heart skipped.
Lin Hao looked embarrassed.
Shen Yu’s arms loosened around him, his fingertips trembling, his heart aching. “If you tell me you’re only doing this because you’re scared to sleep alone, I swear I’ll never see you again for the rest of my life.”
Lin Hao quickly protested, “How could I!” His voice even cracked a little from nerves.
Shen Yu’s expression was unreadable.
Lin Hao’s face burned. “Besides, I’m not scared anymore. I mean, I’m a grown man, why would I…”
Shen Yu stared him down.
Lin Hao couldn’t keep up the act. He’d always known that Shen Yu didn’t really believe his lies—he just let him get away with them.
Lin Hao finally admitted, “Okay, maybe there’s a little bit of that…”
Shen Yu started to get up.
Lin Hao grabbed his wrist. “But if I didn’t want to kiss you, I wouldn’t have! Sure, the horror movie was part of it, but I wanted to, too.”
Shen Yu froze.
Even Lin Hao, thick-skinned as he was, found this embarrassing. “...Actually, ever since that night four years ago, I haven’t really… worked.”
Shen Yu didn’t get it at first.
Lin Hao’s face was beet red as he confessed the secret he’d kept for four years. “I—I mean, I haven’t been able to get it up…”
Shen Yu was stunned.
Lin Hao figured he might as well get it all out now. Besides, knowing Shen Yu didn’t hate him made it easier. It was like they’d gone back to their teenage years, sharing secrets. “Really, ever since that thing between us, I just… can’t. No matter what I do. And I never tried with anyone else, either…”
It was so embarrassing—he’d never tell anyone but Shen Yu!
Shen Yu snapped back to the present, and the memory of that night hit him with a sharp pain.
He’d hurt Lin Hao.
He was the reason for Lin Hao’s psychological block.
Shen Yu was filled with regret and guilt.
Lin Hao kept going, “If we’re going to date, I had to tell you… but you can’t look down on me for it. I mean, I know I was wrong too, I shouldn’t have messed with you, but…”
Shen Yu lowered his eyes. “It’s my fault.”
Lin Hao wanted to say it wasn’t, but thinking about how rough Shen Yu had been that night, well… maybe it was.
Did he really have to go that hard?
Shen Yu’s expression softened as he asked gently, “Can I take a look?”
Lin Hao hesitated, then shrugged—what was left to hide? “It’s not like looking will help. It just doesn’t work.” As he spoke, his shorts slipped down to his knees.
Shen Yu’s heart pounded as he tried to stay calm. “If it’s really a problem, we should see a doctor.”
It probably wasn’t physical, but psychological. With a good therapist, maybe…
But for some reason, just having Shen Yu look at him for a while, Lin Hao—who’d been “asleep” for four years—suddenly… woke up.